How To Canoodle With A Canuck In A Canoe
Posted by Theolonius McTavish on: 2005-07-11 22:04:18
HOW TO CANOODLE WITH A CANUCK IN A CANOE
--Or, Welcome to Climax, Saskatchewan!
Canada is a pretty straight-laced, peaceful place, where seldom is heard a discouraging word and the skies are not cloudy all day, except for eleven and a half months of the year affectionately called "winter", (when everyone goes inside for a break from the bugs, barking dogs, or far too many exposed bosoms and buttocks -- euphemistically referred to as "bare essentials").
So, one might casually ask ... if the deer and antelope are out prancing about on the back forty, while the beaver are bustling about making dams all day long, and the blessed birds are freezing their little tails off busking for a living in downtown Toronto ...what pray tell are the citizens of this fine country doing to have a good time (besides playing hockey ...or hooky as the case may be)?
Well, judging from the pleasantly playful yet provocative placenames dotting the deepfreeze landscape called Canada, perhaps the reader will be able judge just what pastimes pique the curiosity of a Canuck.
-- Ass Hill (Newfoundland)
-- Bareneed (Newfoundland)
-- Bath (New Brunswick)
-- Begin (Quebec)
-- Beamsville, Ontario
-- Belly River (Alberta)
-- Big Bras d’Or (Nova Scotia)
-- Billy Butts Pond (Newfoundland)
-- Blissville (New Brunswick)
-- Bonanza (Alberta)
-- Buttonville (Ontario)
-- Carrying Place (Ontario)
-- Chance Harbour (Nova Scotia)
-- Chase (British Columbia)
-- Cherryville (British Columbia)
-- Come-By-Chance (Newfoundland)
-- Comfort Cove (Newfoundland)
-- Community Punch Bowl (Alberta)
-- Conception Harbour (Newfoundland)
-- Conquest (Saskatchewan)
-- Crotch Lake (Ontario)
-- Cruise Lake (Ontario)
-- Cupids (Newfoundland)
-- Curve Lake (Ontario)
-- Dipper Harbour (Newfoundland)
-- Dixville (Quebec)
-- Ebb and Flow (Manitoba)
-- Exploits River (Newfoundland)
-- Fascination Mountain (British Columbia)
-- Fanny Bay (British Columbia)
-- Fertile (Saskatchewan)
-- Finger (Manitoba)
-- Flat Top (Yukon Territories)
-- Forget (Saskatchewan)
-- Fortune (Newfoundland)
-- Freedom (Alberta)
-- Fruitvale (British Columbia)
-- Funnybone Lake (Ontario)
-- Fox Roost (Newfoundland)
-- Gander (Newfoundland)
-- Good Neighbour Peak (Yukon Territories)
-- Grande Entrée (Québec)
-- Ha! Ha! Baie des (Québec)
-- Halfmoon Bay (British Columbia)
-- Halfway Point (Newfoundland)
-- Happy Adventure (Newfoundland)
-- Happy Valley-Goose Bay (Newfoundland)
-- Happyland (Ontario)
-- Havelock (Quebec)
-- Heart’s Content (Newfoundland)
-- Heart’s Delight (Newfoundland)
-- Heart’s Desire (Newfoundland)
-- Holdfast (Saskatchewan)
-- Honey Harbour (Ontario)
-- Hooker Mountain (British Columbia)
-- Hooping Harbour (Newfoundland)
-- Hope (British Columbia)
-- Kinkora (Prince Edward Island)
-- Lady Slipper (Prince Edward Island)
-- Lapland (Nova Scotia)
-- Leading Tickles (Newfoundland)
-- Liberty (Saskatchewan)
-- Likely (British Columbia)
-- Little Seldom (Newfoundland)
-- Lively (Ontario)
-- Love (Saskatchewan)
-- Lucifer Mountain (Alberta)
-- Lucky Lake (Saskatchewan)
-- Lucky Man (Saskatchewan)
-- Lulu Island (British Columbia)
-- Lushes Bight (Newfoundland)
-- Ma-Me-O Beach (Alberta)
-- Manyberries (Alberta)
-- Meat Cove (Nova Scotia)
-- Mermaid (Prince Edward Island)
-- Middlesex (Ontario)
-- Mink Cove (Nova Scotia)
-- Monkland (Ontario)
-- Moonbeam (Ontario)
-- Newbliss (Ontario)
-- Nipawin (Saskatchewan)
-- Nipissing (Ontario)
-- Nippers Harbour (Newfoundland)
-- Nojack (Alberta)
-- Nottawa (Ontario)
-- Nun’s Island (Prince Edward Island & Quebec)
-- Nuttby (Nova Scotia)
-- Overflowing River (Manitoba)
-- Paradise Point (Ontario)
-- Peel (Ontario)
-- Pilot Butte (Saskatchewan)
-- Pilot Mound (Manitoba)
-- Pincher (Alberta)
-- Pitt Meadows (British Columbia)
-- Pleasantville (Ontario)
-- Plenty (Saskatchewan)
-- Plum Point (Newfoundland)
-- Precious Corners (Ontario)
-- Punkeydoodles Corners (Ontario)
-- Rapid City (Manitoba)
-- Resolute (Nunavut)
-- Rosebud (Alberta)
-- Rough Top (Yukon Territories)
-- Sackville (Nova Scotia)
-- St. Jones Within, St. Jones Without (Newfoundland)
-- Saint Noel (Québec)
-- Sandy Hook (Manitoba)
-- Seldom (Newfoundland)
-- Sexsmith (Alberta)
-- Shag Harbour (Nova Scotia)
-- Skookumchuck (British Columbia)
-- Smuts (Saskatchewan)
-- Snug Haven (Ontario)
-- South Dildo (Newfoundland)
-- Stag Harbour (Newfoundland)
-- Starbuck (Manitoba)
-- Star City (Saskatchewan)
-- Stupendous Mountain (British Columbia)
-- Success (Saskatchewan)
-- Sugar Loaf (Nova Scotia)
-- Sweet Bay (Newfoundland)
-- Sweetland (Nova Scotia)
-- Thumb Island (Northwest Territories)
-- Tickle Beach, Tickle Cove, Tickle Harbour (Newfoundland)
-- Tidal (Manitoba)
-- Tiger Lily (Alberta)
-- Toogood Arm (Newfoundland)
-- Twin Butte (Alberta)
-- Unity (Saskatchewan)
-- Virgin Arm (Newfoundland)
-- Washabuck Centre (Nova Scotia)
-- Welcome (Ontario)
-- Whim Road (Prince Edward Island)
-- Wild Bight, Wild Cove (Newfoundland)
-- Winkler (Manitoba)
-- Zero Lake (Ontario)
-- Zippermouth Lake (British Columbia)
Now, having perused this picturesque placename list, put your imagination on hold for a moment. Never ever ask a Canadian where they’re from; they love to keep strangers in the dark (just like mushrooms). So quit complaining and just remember -- there’s a fun-loving party animal lurking somewhere beneath that thick skin, fur coat, and titillating tail!
Get on your sparkly duds and dancing shoes, crank up the mood music, and fire-up the microwave for a platter of McCain’s latest piquant-flavored Pizza-Pops!
And if a Canuck should ever invite you for a ride in a canoe ...bring along an extra paddle, a box of popcorn and don't forget to say "Cheese please!" (before snapping the unforgettable photo of that saucy-looking Sasquatch!)
About the Author
Theolonius McTavish, a kilted Celt with an aversion to bombastic bagpipe players, Blarney Stone kissers and boisterous beer drinkers, hangs his Tam O'Shanter on a happy hook in the Court of the Quipping Queen (www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com)when he's not tossing cabers (tree trunks)and compliments (terse titillations) for a living.